Born a long time ago, but look around 45, some people say (or said, when I was 45). I have been in my time many interesting things: gun-runner to the Egyptians, sword-runner to the Phoenicians, tzatziki-runner to the Greeks. For a while I was in Yoghurt, but I got in too deep with the wrong kind of yoghurt and had to extricate myself, with a small silver spoon attached to a silver necklace, loaned to me by Jimmy Page. For now, I teach English, to people who don’t speak it like as good what I do. But that is only another phase in my journey. Like Odysseus, but with slightly less defined muscle-tone, I have many adventures yet to experience, feats to perform, unwanted guests to kill. You, though, are very welcome here. Take a cushion, or a beanbag, or a chair, if we have one, and I will tell you a story that will go on and on in a fascinating way for hours all about myself. I’m sorry but the servants have locked all the doors. There is some wine left, though. (14 July 2021)